We can all relate to seeing others so easily succeed like the girl who sleeps and looses 20 lbs or that meticulously kept home that is always clean even during the unannounced stop by in the middle of the week. But as they say " nothing is free", unless you are fertile Myrtle.
That lady gets my panties in a bunch every time!
I would like to preface this by saying the commentaries are in no such way a reflection of a bad attitude, jealousy or a case of bad pms. It's my story and any similarities between others is purely coincidental.
I would assume that most young ladies who want to be mothers at some point have the pre conception(no pun intended) that when that time comes it will be nothing more than a magical or spontaneous night or afternoon delight that results in those two pink lines that change the world.
NOPE, big fat LIE. Well at least for me.
Because of my physical history I knew that I would be able to have children but that I would need some medical assistance. So lets usher in lessons learned
1. Just because they are a doctor doesn't mean they are doing what is best for you.
I went to a doctor who put me on pills for almost a year and said have at it. HELL-o, that was the most miserable medication, how could you expect to be loving when your hormones are on kilter to the point of suicide or homicidal behavior who wouldn't want to make a baby with that monster?!
2. Don't wait!!!
Don't assume that because you are less than 40 or what ever age you have decided are post child bearing age that you will be able to have babies just like Angelina Joile. Time is precious so spare yourself and the love of your life all the stress if it's not working, take the initiative and don't let doctors tell you to keep at it cause you are young. Be your own advocate.
3.Hate that 20%
Even with the most perfect of circumstances there is only a 20 percent chance of becoming pregnant any given month. That includes those going through fertility treatments. I'm a religious person but coveting doesn't even begin to describe the sheer "miracle" that Mrs. Fertile Myrtle enjoys when she decides shes going to have a baby on this day or next month and hallelujah it happens. Bring it back down to earth, it's only 20% which is why lesson #2 is important.
4.It's just like the kids story
I don't want to say that because I 'worked' harder, spent more money and sacrificed to save that money. that I love my little ones more. But I will. It's just like the story of the Little Red Hen. She worked more than everyone else to reap the benefits of her hard work and initiative (Sorry, getting pregnant on the first try is not work, its a miracle and it's not luck either!)
My idea of work is scheduling and waiting for consults, then the medicines( which I affectionately refer to as Baby In a Box on my doorstep), pills, injections, calendars, Drs appointments,blood draws, ultrasounds, and that oh so romantic specimen cup! yadayada.
For whatever reason I have had this experience given to me, I will take the appreciation I have felt and remind myself everytime I hear that first cry on earth or that tantrum throwing kid how much love it took just to get them here.
These are just my thoughts, seems like now a days even blog posts are supposed to be politically correct and irritatingly neutral. These are thoughts and lessons from the experiences I have gone through, so if for some reason this has someone feeling a way they don't like, take my last lesson. "Feel how you NEED to feel". I have always hated the Pollyanna chin up attitude of how I should be happy because so and so has it worse. I found a quote that illustrates perfectly the feeling I had with this in reguards to my situation.
"Saying someone shouldn't be sad because someone else has it worse is like saying someone can't be happy because someone else has it better"
Viola, the bells are ringing. It is alright to feel whatever way you want especially in the mine field of fertility. I shouldn't be jealous when I see surprise pregnancy bumps but I am and I should remember that someone else has it worse than I do, because there are but that doesn't change the fact that getting though it is feeling how you need to feel.
So here is to the miracle of babies, the technology that allows me to be a mother and all those who continue to hope!
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